A Tavola!

“Families that pray together stay together.”

So the saying goes. I’d imagine the principle also applies to families that eat together.

La tavola. So much more than just a table. It is a space where people come together, memories are made, conversations linger, and flavors abound. La tavola is where the sixth love language thrives: il cibo (food).

Like clockwork around 7:45pm, Maria or Francesco will call up the stairs and throughout the house, “A tavola!!” Dinner time! The kids shout back, “Arrivo!” Coming! Moments later footsteps thunder down the halls and rush to the table. You don’t have to tell kids twice that it’s dinner time.

The command, “A tavola!” literally translates to “At the table!” It means that the table is ready. Food is warm, places are set, and I hope you’re hungry because it’s going to be good.

The high priority on family time around the table is something I truly adore about the Italian culture. Everyone is there. Every day. It’s an intrinsic family pattern that you can count on. Yes, you can count on some water spilling out of the vase and occasional bickering and Carlo getting out of his seat to pester everyone again… but you can also count on a prayer to start the meal, most likely a form of pasta, lots of laughter and good conversations. I’m amazed that even the teenagers are present for this daily practice almost 100% of the time, usually twice a day! The table is fully set not only for dinner but also lunch!

What do I mean by a fully set table? I mean glasses and plates and silverware and napkins at each place. Also always a pitcher of water and most frequently a big bottle of sparkling water. Grana is present because whatever we are eating is always enhanced by some freshly grated Parmesan. 95% of the time fresh bread is placed in the center of the table, directly on the table cloth. (During the meal pieces of the bread are torn off by hand, and crumbs are always scattered around the cloth afterward.) 80% of the time fresh cheeses make their way onto the table to be cut off and enjoyed at the end. The Faccioli kids are wonderful helpers when it comes to table set up and clean up. They know the drill.

Don’t get me wrong, my family at home eats together as often as we can too, but the rhythmic tradition of the set table isn’t as strong. Our styles of eating are different too. The first few days here I wanted to pile bits of everything on my plate at once and eat it all together. But I silently noted that no one else was doing this. They would eat in order. The main dish (pasta or risotto or pizza or meat or whatever) first. Once they finished that, they piled on the zucchini or salad. Salad here is always lettuce with some olive oil, salt, and balsamic vinegar or apple cider vinegar. Then bits of torn bread and cheese. Frequently at the end, fruit is brought to the table and we all cut and enjoy apricots or peaches or apples. I love the idea of saving fruit for the end, like it’s a real treat. I should treat fruit like dessert more often.

A while after I had observed and started to put into practice this style of eating (often still slipping into my habits and throwing some salad down next to my gnocchi), Francesco taught me the vocabulary of their methods. They call it first plate, second plate, third plate. A complete meal has it all.

I love time around the table, and the Italians are generous with it. After eating I have to slow down and stop myself from immediately clearing the plates and loading the dish washer. They always linger and sometimes I wonder how long it will go on for. We just stay and talk. Maria and Pietro will sip a dainty little cup of coffee after every meal. I laugh and wonder what’s the point of tasting something for only two swallows, but they tell me it’s a highly concentrated version of coffee (an espresso I think). I enjoy the comforting, warm smell of it.

Here are a few of my favorites moments around la tavola:
-that awkward first night when all the kids were on their best behavior and eyeing me with burning curiosity while I was jet lagged but so happy to wolf down some pesto pasta
-not long later when noisy dinner table behaviors had resumed after the novelty of having me around wore off
-the time Maria took a belt and literally strapped Carlo to his chair to keep him in his seat while he laughed and everyone else cheered
-Whenever Francesco makes a dad joke or does something that makes me say, “You are such a dad!” It’s a high compliment, really.
-When Maddi got up to leave after a meal and Maria sang “Please! Don’t go!” Maddi sang back, “Should I stay or should I go?” As she walked out the door Maria sang again, “Turn around.” Maria’s best English is always quoting famous song lyrics and it cracks me up.
-The time we had the missionaries over for a BBQ Sunday lunch. It was fun to have other foreigners at the table and the Elders kept everyone captivated with their stories of growing up in the States and what it’s like being a missionary.
-When I say “This is the best food I’ve ever had!” And by now they laugh because they hear it daily but I genuinely mean it every time.

Pietro put it best when he exclaimed, “An Italian who doesn’t like to eat is not Italian!” Call me Italian because I love eating.